High Achieving Women and Burnout

“Our lives are a manifestation of our habits, the things we repeatedly do.”

Steven Bartlett

Introduction

I recently watched an episode from one of my favourite podcasts, The Diary of A CEO by Steven Bartlett. He talked about the “5 Scientific Rules for Making & Breaking Habits in 2023”, and it completely flipped the script in my mind about how I’d approach setting and attaining my goals for the year ahead.

He starts out by laying the foundation that “… our lives are a manifestation of our habits, the things we repeatedly do”. And that “…habits are behaviours wired so deeply in our brains we perform them almost automatically.” In other words, the things we want to change about our lives, and the goals which we struggle so deeply to attain, are wrapped up in making and breaking habits that allow us to take back control over our lives.

So, what are the 5 scientific rules for making and breaking habits?

• Rule 1 – Stress is your puppet master
• Rule 2 – know your cues
• Rule 3 – Don’t focus on stopping bad habits, focus on breaking them

Rule 3 really caught my attention and got me thinking about some of the habits I have had to break over the years, to stop my cycle of burnout. Unfortunately, my burnout was keeping me back from achieving the goals I had set out to attain. I was exhausted and frustrated because I was either not achieving all my goals or meeting them at the very high price of burnout. Something had to change.

To find out the rest of the 5 scientific rules for making and breaking habits, you can check out Steven Bartlett’s podcast here

In the rest of this blog post, we will explore how some habits of high-achieving women can contribute to burnout, and why you should consider breaking them if you want to stop your cycle of burnout and start achieving more of your goals.

We set impossibly high standards for ourselves

We set impossibly high standards for ourselves, but we don’t recognize it.

You know how you’re always saying “I can’t do that because I have too much going on”? Well, you probably do have a lot going on–and that’s okay! But sometimes we get so distracted by our busy lives (or the fact that we are comparing ourselves with others) that we forget to take care of ourselves and our mental health in the process.

We end up feeling overwhelmed by all the tasks we need to complete and frustrated with ourselves when they aren’t done as quickly or easily as expected. This leads us back to setting unrealistic expectations: Why couldn’t I just finish this task? What is wrong with me? Am I lacking competence? Am I really cut out for this kind of work?

Tip: Step back and consider the expectations you have of yourself now. Are they reasonable?

We operate on autopilot of what is expected of us

As women, we often feel like we don’t have control over our lives. We feel like we’re on autopilot and just doing what needs to be done in order to keep moving forward in the direction of our careers or relationships–and maybe even our health and finances–without ever really thinking about it.

We do what we think others expect of us; Am I working hard enough? Am I doing the right thing? Why isn’t it working out as quickly as I expected?

These feelings of powerlessness can lead to feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. We may even feel guilty about feeling powerless. We don’t want to acknowledge that we’re having a hard time, because we think that it makes us weak and unmotivated. But in reality, it’s totally normal to feel out of control sometimes.

Tip: Stop your autopilot! What are other people’s expectations of you? How are they different from what you want or expect of yourself?

We don’t know how to say “no”

You may think that saying “no” is a bad thing, but it’s actually an important part of self-care and good mental health. Saying no allows you to prioritize what’s most important in your life, which can help prevent burnout. Say “no” when someone asks you to do something that takes up too much time or energy (for example: planning another team meeting). You might also want to consider saying “no” if something isn’t aligned with your values or goals.

Tip: What do you need to say “no” to this week to protect your time and energy?

We’re hard on ourselves, and we don’t trust our own abilities

When you’re a high achiever, you can be your own worst enemy. You don’t believe that you have the capability of reaching what you want to achieve. You think that if something isn’t done perfectly, then it’s not worth doing at all. This can lead to burnout because when we don’t trust our own abilities and don’t give ourselves credit for what we have achieved so far, we lose motivation to keep going forward with our goals and dreams.

This problem has been especially prevalent in the modern workplace where there is an emphasis on constant growth and improvement, but this thinking often puts us on a treadmill of always being on the move to achieve the next thing without pausing to reflect on the progress and accomplishments we have made so far–it just makes us feel worse about ourselves!

Tip: Focus on progress and not perfection. Acknowledge and celebrate even your partly achieved goals. It’s a big deal!

We’re afraid to ask for help

We’re afraid to ask for help because we think that it’s going to make us look weak or incompetent. We don’t want to be a burden on anyone else, so we push through the work and hope that no one notices how tired or frustrated we are.

This is a mistake! You can ask for help without losing your reputation as an efficient leader; in fact, by getting help when you need it, you’ll actually show yourself as someone who knows how to manage their time well enough not just does everything themselves but also delegate responsibility when necessary (which makes everyone look good). There are three main ways people can ask for assistance:

• Directly asking someone for help with something specific–“I need these three things done by Wednesday this week. Do you have the capacity to support this?”–or
• Requesting advice from someone more experienced than yourself in an area where they have expertise. (“What would be the best approach if I wanted…”).
• Asking for extensions on deadlines well in advance as an exception – your track already shows how dependable you are. Ask for help if you need it

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to ask for help. You may think you’re alone in your struggles, but chances are there are other women who have experienced similar challenges.

If you’re afraid to reach out, try asking someone close to you for support. They might not be able to provide all the answers or solutions, but they can provide emotional support and comfort during times when burnout threatens your mental health (which happens more often than we admit).

If you need additional professional support, consider reaching out to a coach, therapist, or mentor if you need to.

Conclusion

So what can we do to break the cycle of burnout? The first step is to acknowledge that it exists, and then begin taking small steps toward change. You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight; just start with one small habit that feels manageable and makes sense for you.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by work or personal obligations, try carving out a little time for regular check-ins with yourself. Consider what things are important to you and whether you have been honouring them, not the expectations from others.

Make time for your well-being — consider quiet reflections, connect with people who pour into your soul, eat well, and exercise –these activities will help rejuvenate both body and mind so they can better handle whatever comes next!

To learn more about how to break your burnout cycle, check out “Break Your Burnout Cycle” for a more detailed guide.

Kai-Nneka Townsend, is an author, and a Career Burnout Recovery and Prevention Coach for women.